Frustration Station

I don't think you can have it all.

I don't want to be a Debbie Downer but it's time for a reality check. For the last 5 years I have been juggling everything...let's just talk about the 2 significant things- work and kids. The older they get, the harder it gets. And the more balls I get in the air, yet still the same amount of hands to juggle them.

I want to be an involved mom and I also want to be able to bring home a paycheck and use my business brain from time to time. But it seems like trying to do both, at some point everyday I'm at my breaking point. Yes, everyday. I break down. Freak out. Lose my mind. At some point during the day, I call my husband, tell him I can't do this anymore, I'm gonna lose it. I yell at a child. I yell at myself. I yell at a coworker.

My cup runneth over. E.V.E.R.Y.D.A.Y.

There are things I want:

1. Alone time

2. More office time during the day

3. To make a perfect breakfast for my kids

4. To not lose it with my child when they throw a fit

5. To be able to drop everything when my daughter asks me to read her a book

and

There are things I need:

1. a paycheck

2. transportation for my children from lessons and school

3. a camp director for all 4 of our lives/house

How come I can't combine all of those and have it turn out just dandy everyday? Or at least MOST days? Why am I always on the verge of breaking down?

My mom told me years ago that once you become a mother/wife/etc you will feel like everyone wants a piece of you. It's true...everyday my phone rings or someone yells to get my attention and I think "now what? What fire do I have to put out at home or work or New Jersey?" Who's question do I have to answer now. Who's life needs a lesson? Who spilled chocolate milk on the couch and needs a 3 page proposal in 10 minutes?

I told my husband that I believe no one takes me seriously. I feel like something is always being compromised...work or home. The scale is never completely balanced and even. Yes, Yes I know everyone says "put family first"...ESPECIALLY IN UTAH. And I do believe that. But it is also true that if I do not successfully perform in my work, I will no longer have a paycheck coming in. I have great childcare for my children when I'm at work so I honestly rarely worry if they are being taken care of or having a good time when I'm away. I just try to make childcare and my absence a fairly rare occurence.

I apologize for this sounding like a poor me song and dance but I truly wish I could figure out a happy medium so I'm not breaking down everyday. Is this pressure of work and family all in my head? Is this the new image of the working mother?

Where's the middle ground?

Where's my sanity?

Where's the beef?