Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Let's get personal

After reading up on a slew of celeb weddings this weekend & last: Jenna Fisher & her office writer boyfriend, John Krasinski & Emily Blunt, Carrie Underwood and her sporty dude(Ican'trememberhisnameIthinkit'ssomethingFisher) it always makes me reflect on what I didn't have.
Obviously, some of you have already heard this story or lived through it with me. And some of you don't know because I don't talk about it a lot. Because I don't want to.

I have to say my wedding day was not fun for me. Not at all.

So a quick recap of everything leading up to it.

Cort & I dated off & on for 3 years. He was usually the one to break up with me because he just couldn't commit to someone who wasn't Mormon. For those of you not familiar with the rituals in the Mormon religion...there's a lot of them. And especially if you're going to get married. Both of you have to be of the faith to partake in all of the rigmarole.

So this went on...for 3 years.

Until. I got pregnant.


Then shit changed. All of the sudden he wanted to get married. And all of the sudden. I was paralyzed. I didn't know what to do. I knew I loved him. I knew he would be a great partner. But I had spent 3 years hanging in the balance...and THIS is what changed it?

And then there came the "we're pregnant/breaking of the news to the families".

I come from a very liberal family that- yes- they were disappointed it had happened this way but it was no reason for us to get married and life would go on.

Cort comes from a very religious, conservative family. They wanted us to get married....and immediately. Every time we went to a family gathering that's the first thing I heard, "When are you getting married, when are you getting married."

It got to be too much. I had them on one side saying "YOU HAVE TO GET MARRIED" and my parents on the other side saying "YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET MARRIED".

And I was dealing with my first pregnancy all to boot.

Emotional combination.

I was torn. And I had too many people in my ear. Don't get me wrong- I was a 27 year old adult. I DO make my own decisions. But at that point I just didn't know what I wanted.

So I sat on it. And sat and sat. I got so tired of everyone barking at me that I finally said to Cort "fine, I'll get a judge and we'll get married."

So that's exactly what I did.

We went down to the courthouse.

They gave us a list of judges.

I picked one at random and called her. We made an appointment for the following week, invited our parents down and my bro & sis-in-law.

And we got married.

In the judge's condo.

6 months pregnant.

It was the most unromantic thing I have done in my entire life.

I regret it.

I wish I would have just told everyone to kiss my ass and plan my own romantic whatever-the-hell i wanted type wedding.

I hold a lot of regret.

I feel like I shorted myself and Cort.

This wasn't the wedding I had dreamed of since I was little. This was a get-everyone-off-my-back-sign-the-goddamn-paperwork-and-be-done-with-it-wedding.

It wasn't fun, it wasn't memorable.


I guess my lesson is that if my children end up in this situation I would tell them to do whatever they want. Plan the biggest fucking wedding of your dreams. And get married 9 months pregnant. Who gives a shit? You will be happy you did it!

You only regret the things you don't do. Unfortunately for me, that was the wedding I never had.

I want to end this on a positive note which is: Cort & I have been married for over 5 years. We have 2 great little girls and a wonderful life together. He is a spectacular father and our parents are wonderful grandparents. Our life couldn't be better, I just wish we could have started it together a little differently! That's all!


Bednie said...

Renew your vows and throw a huge party! :) It's the next best thing to a wedding.

lovingmysoldier said...

I have to agree with you completely on this. Our wedding sucked butt. I was 35 weeks pregnant with Riley and we got married because we thought Mike was going to go overseas right away and I had a temper tantrum and insisted we get married. I am buying a wedding dress off ebay and getting wedding pics done and for our 10 year (2012 baby!) we are going on a honeymoon FINALLY!!!

And we are happily married and have 4 kids and blah blah blah but I, like you, wish we had done the beginning differently!

Jax Monkey said...

I always thought this might be a sore spot for you. I'm sad that it is but there isn't much you can do about the past.
I understand about the pressure. People tried very hard to get us married earlier, papa gave me the worse guilt trip, put me into a bawling frenzy. Then Larry had passed away. Waiting as long as we did meant we had lost two important people who we wanted to share in our special day.
Little regrets are a part of life. The good thing is you married the love of your life and are living happily ever after.

winnipegbaby said...

Um... FYI just so I don't appear as a horrible parent.... Dad & I TOLD you we would back you no matter WHAT you wanted to do. I recall you sort of planned an actual wedding, but there were concerns (not mine) over how to explain the situation.
I know how conflicted you were and Dad & I tried to give you all the space you needed. It wasn't that we didn't want you to get married, we just didn't want you to think you HAD to get married.
I know you will do better with your kids than we did, so I guess we DID do our job!!
PS: don't worry that your parents never got to walk their only daughter down the aisle!! ;-p

Melissa said...

Katie your wedding did not suck butt, it was the best 1 1/2 week planned wedding EVER!!

Jennifer said...

remember that God always have a purpose for anything ..

the important thing is ..
you are happy with your family right now ..


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Puneet Saakaar said...

Nice gown.. How long is your preparation for that?

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