A Tragic Ending to a Tragic Beginning....

As one of the only people to watch the show, I feel obligated to share my thoughts, feelings and overall opinion on the reality show "The Two Corey's".

Much to my surprise no one I know (or have at least talked to in the past few weeks) watched it.

In retrospect, I probably didn't have to waste precious TIVO'ing hours on it either. But still feel the need to share...afterall it's my blog (neener, neener, *sticks tongue out and pthfwt)

I know now I expected too much from it....granted it was on BRAVO and even Bravo only bought like 8 episodes before calling it quits. But once my friend Vedjen announced it on her blog, I couldn't help but anticipate it's greatness...(heavy, heart felt sigh)...

First and foremost I expected to be entertained. When that did not happen, I wanted to be informed. There were a few things that this less-than-License-to-Drive-more-like-Dream-A-Little-Dream "dramatization" made me more informed about....

1. Corey Feldman is a pussy and pussy-whipped. This is not a healthy combo my friends...you should be one or the other. Not only is he extremely particular in what he wears, taking hours upon hours to do his hair and without a shirt looks like gay Elvis Cabana Boy, but he follows his wife around like a prisoner at Guantanamo Bay (I'm convinced he's in that infamous pyramid shot). Not to mention he's like 15 years older than her, but she's bossy, bitchy and this over the top vegan! The show should have been called "The 2 Corey's and Feldman's over involved, bitchy child bride"

2a. You know, now that I think about it, she was like a stage mom. Her name is Susie and any press event the 2 coreys had, she would be there too, not like on the side lines taking pics, but as one of the guests of honor. They had a DVD signing for "The Lost Boys" because of the 20 year re-release or some shit and there they were; Corey, Corey and Susie all behind the table on director's chairs signing copies of DVDs. She had even added her name to the Display poster behind them. Who the hell is this girl?

2b. Vegan- I was not kidding- the pinnacle is when they invited the head of PETA over to their house for dinner, filmed the entire thing & Corey Haim proceeded to hit on her while answering the door to get his extra sausage delivery pizza..

3. Which leads me to my next point- the entire thing was staged from Scene 1 to Grand Finale. Corey Feldman and his wife Susie "Satan" Feldman appeared on Chelsea Lately where he said every reality show he's ever done has been staged- that was my first clue, my second clue was...well the entire season that and "The Flavor of Love" which I don't have time to get into now but if you must click on the title to learn more.

4. Where in the World was Corey Haim for the past 20 years? I would've rather left this a mystery but apparently he was a fat drug addict...exibit A

YIKES! I could've gone the rest of my life without knowing or seeing that. My teenage years seem empty and meaningless now. I want to go back and rip down every Big Bopper picture of him off my bedroom ceiling! WHERE OH WHERE is Fred Savage at a time like this? Chad Allen? Are you a chunky drug addict to? If so, please keep it in the closet until I pass on to the next world.

And just so you know, I'm not making this stuff up nor is that a doctored pic...they discuss it openly on the show that he just became sober and lost a bajillion pounds.

For someone like this...when does they're dough run out? How are they paying for all these expensive drugs? Is that why they do reality shows like this?

So long 2 Coreys....my husband will be happy he doesn't have to walk by the television and mutter "you're still watching this shit?"