June Cleaver should have partied more

I'll be the first to admit....I'm not a good housewife...
1. I can't cook- nor do I have the burning desire to burn something desirable in my oven.
2. I rarely do laundry- my jeans have a 3 or 4 or 7 time wear life before they hit the basement stairs which is where I throw them when they have finally given out. Today I wore a pair to work with a fry sauce stain on them....
3. I just hired a cleaning company- We are now paying $75 bucks every 2 weeks to have our house cleaned...I don't want to do it but F.U.C.K.! $150 a month for people to come in and do something I could totally do if I just stopped watching Dog the Bounty Hunter for a minute and got off my ass!
4. Scrapbooking & Sewing- These two can go together...I'm equally clueless in both categories...I'll take "Colors of M & Ms & what they mean to me" for $5000 Alex!

I think the only thing that really proves I'm a woman is the fact I've had a kid....definitely a vagina somewhere in the works....Little Q is probably the only thing that I behave womanly around- although I do pin her down and lick her face which isn't very mommy-like..more doggy like...

Cort Buster

Cort has this "thing" (couldn't resist- that's what came up when I googled "THING" images)- that's not Cort's thing......that's some dudes VW thing...could even be a THANG

ANYWAY, Cort has this thing- he can't handle people borrowing DVDs from us- he'll be nice enough to let you get out of the house with it, and make it look like it's no big deal. BUT HOLY SHIT...you should hear what I hear for the next...welll...until you return it. Okay, Okay, I'm exaggerating a little bit but not by much..."When do you think they'll bring it back" "Randi, can you call them and see if we can pick it up" "Can they run it by?" "Do you know if they've watched it yet?" "Geez, how long have they had it now?"
UGHHHHHH!! It would never cross my mind to caress my DVDs keeping them clutched so tightly to my bosom but that could be the reason I've lost half to most of my CD/DVD collection throughout the many colleges, apartments, boyfriends I've had...I have no idea how many times I've RE-BOUGHT Violent Femmes "Add it Up"....
Anyway, I don't really know what my point of this story was other than, if you like me at all you won't ask to borrow a DVD from us or if you do, return it within the 3 hour time span you've been allowed to drive home watch it and drive back to our house (perhaps watching it at our house is an option)....and just know it's not me, I don't take very good care of anything I own....including (apparently) this relationship- I LOVE YOU HONEY!!!

P.S. Cort has debated charging late fees.....I believe he accepts Visa & Mastercard

Thank God for bad movies

So I'm a HUGE wuss...I can't emphasize wuss enough...seriously! I sleep with the kitchen light on, the television on and will NOT sleep if Cort is not home (do not ask Cort about his work trip to Disneyland!).
As a young child/adolescent I had several sleeping problems because my imagination would get the best of me. I could stay up all night and go to school the next day- probably why I was such a skinny neurotic kid until I started drinking...then I was drunk. chunky and neurotic, but at least I could fall asleep!
Things I'm convinced: I'm convinced I've been abducted by aliens, I'm convinced there is a serial killer stalking me with Infrared goggles at night like that sicko that killed those kids in Idaho. I'm convinced ghosts talk to me and one day will speak directly to me through the baby monitor.
Sadly, nothing here is exaggerated...I WISH I wasn't this crazy.
SO with that said, I try to shut out all of this psychotic-ness with anything I can.

Every time I watch the news or see a preview for a scary movie all of the crazy scared Randi wakes up and I can't sleep for days again. I remember when the preview for White Noise came out- I wouldn't go in the basement by myself- I looked into alternatives to a baby monitor and freaked out if the TV screen turned to snow.

I can't watch Montel Williams on Wednesdays because that's when he has Sylvia Browne on.

A few days before Halloween, Cort's morning show goes out in the middle of the night to condemned buildings around town with Ghost Hunters and they record everything they hear. I told him, I would MUCH rather you bring home a stripper than a spirit with you!

ANYWAY, back to the matter at hand.

I saw a preview for this new movie coming out called "Primeval". And after seeing the commercial several times...."World's most famous serial killer....STILL AT LARGE...Gustave". I was freaked. And Cort kept saying "why don't you Google it, so you know exactly what they're talking about?" but I told him that would be bad juju..so I couldn't.
This ate at me for days, scared when I saw the previews and ME....Randi- obsessed with killers, ghosts and what not had never heard of this person....how could that be? Jack The Ripper, Ted Bundy, Scott Petersen- I've heard of them all..who the hell was Gustave?

FINALLY I googled him; clammy hands on the keyboard with half peering eyes I read this.....

A Fucking Crocodile!!!

WOOHOO!!! I'M FREE!!! At least from this movie....

THIS JUST IN

I wasn't aware that even if there is a particular pre-school I like and fill out the application, Quinn could be DENIED. The U of U Preschool App said ( I just started filling it out today) they choose kids based on race, parental education level, financial status and child's learning ability....WOW!

GOOD LUCK QUINN!

Preschool Tryouts

So Cort & I attended a Preschool Fair last night put on by my Mom's Group and I think it went really well and definitely opened our eyes up to all of the options out there....and there are a TON! And they are all fairly PRICEY! But I guess if you want your kid to play with other rich kids you have to shell out the dough for it....so here are a few of the choices we were presented last night.

Of course you have your run of the mill...this is a church and we also have a preschool here so God is Great and then we color a picture of him.

Then we have Challenger...which is the "If you make billions of dollars and live in Utah and you like your kids like you like your women seen and not heard...Challenger is the place for you....and your over disciplined children"...we'll schedule their bathroom breaks for them. Hell! We'll tell them how to take a crap.

On the opposite side of the spectrum we have Seven Canyons School where we hold hands, sing kumbayah and knit our clothes...I actually liked this school. Every kid learns to knit by the 1st grade, BUT they don't make the kids do anything they don't want to do "the child is ready for kindergarten or the child is ready to dance, if they child is not ready to paint they may choose another activity or not to participate" which again I kind of liked but Cort was convinced if Quinn wasn't "ready" to be at school one day they would let her take the bus home. I'm still going to their open house on Saturday..I'll be ready to attend the open house!

Then we have your typical University Preschool (University of Utah) where all of the Masters of Education Students as well as the Bach Degrees get to test things out on your kids and conduct they're studies and projects. This is probably the one Quinn will end up going to because we both liked it...and that rarely happens. They have window booths where students may observe your child...and with our luck Quinn will do what she did earlier today which was take off her diaper and crap on the rug..students I'm sure could study the shit out of that...pun obviously intended. The location is also great for us- we live about 10 minutes away from the University.

And last but not least: Montessori which I love...not only am I the president of the company but I'm also a member....both my bro & I went Montessori and I personally have fond memories of singing "she'll be comin round the mountain"and listening to books on tape...whereas my brother ryan just remembers crying and polishing pennies...ANYWAY, Montessori does believe in the play learning but what I enjoy about it is they take a global view of education and teach the children holidays and various significant features of other cultures and communities. They also adopt children in 3rd world countries for pen pals and such which is beneficial in a white state...or white city (you know who you are) where we like to pretend we're the only ones...

There were a couple other schools highlighted last night but none of them really tickled us...like the JCC as it's known here or the Jewish Community Center where 90% of the kids that go there are not Jewish nor do they teach any Jewish Religion...they just require you pay $2000 /month for the education plus a $1000 year long membership to their fitness center....hmm...maybe next year

2006

I've been meaning to write this for awhile now but ....you know....too busy...(please refer to "Book of Excuses").

This was the first FULL year of Mommyhood...so there were many things I learned and like it or not, I'm sharing... the biggest thing Mommyhood gave to me is the ability not to sweat the small stuff...I don't have time anymore...I have diapers to change, fevers to watch and books to read about disciplining this shit that is throwing her tomatoes on the floor and standing on the kitchen table. ANYWHO! That's one of the best parts of being a parent, I'm not worried about all the outside meaningless bullshit...well not most of it!

On with the show...here are the top 4 things I learned this year!


1. No one takes you as seriously as you do
-this one is my favorite and sooooo true. We spend so much of our time hemming and hawing over what we've said to people or things we regret doing ....you have to ask yourself, how much time do you spend thinking of what other people said or did? Not much, not as much as you think people do...cuz they don't. Just think of the times you've gone home and told you're significant other about something amusing someone said or did.....you tell them, laugh and then move on with your life. Until I realized this, I would be up nights stressing about what I had said and how it would affect my friendship, life, etc. Have you ever gone back the next day to apologize for your actions and the other person doesn't even remember? EXACTLY!

2. There's no such thing as commitment....in relationships, in careers, in life
-Life changes so quickly, things come up, people die, friends move, colleagues get fired, promoted or quit...you just never know. Don't think anything forever....it never is. And don't feel bogged down by it either....

3. There are no secrets
-This one isn't mine...I stole it from author Nora Ephron but it rings so true. The #1 reason criminals are caught is because emotionally they feel the need to confess to at least 1 person...ANYWAY, I've learned too many times "don't' tell" means nothing...once you realize that and make your peace....know that your peace may be shared with everyone!!

4. "Energy cannot cease to exist" Albert Einstein
-My friend Angie actually shared this quote with me a few months ago and I haven't stopped thinking about it. This year I started studying Reiki. With that, I tapped into Energy & vibrational work and so that's where the quote came into play. When I was planning to write this post I decided I wouldn't include anymore of my opinion on this one. If you like it, take it, and process it the way you want. To me, I just like to repeat it, Energy is everything so if it cannot cease to exist what does that really mean to us, our past experiences our future experiences and the universe around us? Hell, if it's coming from Albert Einstein...I'm definitely giving it some thought!

There ya have it! Happy 2007!

random randi rant

why aren't we here helping out and "rebuilding" a community